Bizarre Battle: Chuck Norris Vs. A Bollard (What is a Bollard Anyway?)

What do you do if you are driving along and immediately in front of you, a small pole slowly erects from the ground blocking your way? You STOP! This is a bollard, and if you hit one, your car is in serious jeopardy of death and will need immediate medical attention. You, hopefully, will not, but these little meter-high poles are about as mighty as Chuck Norris....But which one kicks the most butt?

Let's compare the two:
  • Carlos Ray Norris: An American who was born in 1940 and named after his father's minister. A devout Christian — has God on his side (huge advantage). Served in the U.S. Air Force. Purpose: breaking criminals' legs (if they are lucky enough to have their lives spared); to raise awareness of Jesus; to assist organizations, such as the United Way, with monetary donations. Claims to fame: Martial arts genius; all-around bada**; deemed "The World's Greatest Human" by Gotham Books; actor; philanthropist. Nickname: "Chuck" Norris
  • Bollard: Of English origin. The term was born in 1844 —previously referred to as a post. Name meaning: tree trunk — has nature on its side. Purpose: To protect property from maliciousness; to control traffic; to safeguard structures; protect humanity. Claim to fame: saves humans from cars running into them (or landing on them); punishes careless drivers. Nickname: "The Punisher"

Protecting the People

Traffic bollards: NYC traffic is crazy. This is not an understatement. Oftentimes, you'll see people jumping out of the way of a hurried cab or actually having to palm the top of the hood of vehicles that have screeched to a stop at a red light way too far into the crosswalk. released a business plan to add numerous bollards to high traffic and high pedestrian areas across the city.

The plan explains how thousands of people get injured and hundreds die every year from vehicle interaction. Securing these sidewalks, parks and bicycle areas can help New York City be a safer place to commute. Not only do bollards protect people, but also the threats of a vehicle crashing into a building — whether by accident or intentionally.

Chuck Norris: Also saves lives. He teaches kids to protect themselves, brings hope to disease and tragedy victims in India and invented his own martial art, Chun Kuk Do, according to his website. Norris can protect people in places that bollards cannot (because they don't have karate-kicking legs).

He Who Has Friends

With friends such as Bruce Lee, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chuck Norris wins this round. A circle of superheroes can fight off anyone.

The Winner

The only way a bollard wins against Chuck Norris is if Norris accidentally forgets where the sneaky bollard rises and he drives over it; or, he goes to karate chop it and the concrete or steel breaks his hands, arms, feet and legs from its intense strength and power — impossible! Norris is too wise to fall to the ways of the bollard.

Bollards are small and mighty and protecting the people is their thing. But, quite obviously, Mr. Awesome himself, Chuck Norris, is the victor!

Michelle Cook  is a freelance journalist who covers pop culture, including movies and TV shows. Her favorite genre is superhero movies.

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  1. This is hilarious! I never knew what those things were, but this clears it up. Chuck Norris has been an online sensation for quite some time and I'd have to say, he never gets old. :)